Ron Culberson Writing Sample – Barry Moltz

This following are excerpts from a speech by professional speaker Barry Moltz. It has been humorized by Ron Culberson and his added lines are in red.

“Do what you love and the money will follow…”

“Good things come to those who wait…”

“Failure is not an option…”

“If you don’t know what kind of rash it is, don’t touch it. If you know what kind of rash it is, there’s no need to touch it.”

Many of us grew up learning these things. OK, maybe I’m the only one that learned that last one. My uncle was a dermatologist.

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Look at the books out there:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra

7 Habits of Highly Effective Nuns (pause….get it?)

7 Highs of Effective Habits by Lindsay Lohan

The Business Laws: The Seven Irrefutable Laws That Determine All Business Success by David Eichenbaum. How can he be so sure?

But you can’t believe how many books there are out there with numbers in their titles. What I am about to read to you are all real books

And here is something that really baffles me. I have always been fascinated that there are so many books with 101 in their title. I wonder why isn’t 100 good enough? Here are some examples:

101 Things to Do Before You Die

101 Things to Buy Before You Die

101 Lies Men Tell Women — And Why Women Believe Them

101 Ways to Be Better than Books with Only 100 Ways

But there isn’t one thing. But in fact, people still want the five steps. They want a formula. When I was at Harvard…

(Tell Harvard Student Jump up)

Mr Moltz Sir, I am from Mobile, Alabama, my mother is scrubbing floors to earn enough money to come to this here Harvard. If I don’t come home with the at least 4 more steps to success, she’s gonna find 7 ways to whoop my butt.

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That’s the way the business bounces.

This ball represents your last result. I just hope it wasn’t a check you wrote. (pause…”bounced”)

When we have success, we look at it, we hold onto it, we cherish it. When we fail, we either try to hide the shame or blame the results on Microsoft Vista. But like the monk, we need to let go- over and over again

Bounce fabric softener not only makes our clothes feel better they smell good too. Imagine if we could do that with failures. Not only would they feel better, they wouldn’t stink up our success.

How do we bounce…You need to let go of whatever the last result was – celebrate your success or grieve your failure. But then get ready taking action on the next decision that you have to make. It ultimately it gives you the resiliency that determines which one of us succeeds in the long run.

When a child falls while trying to walk, he doesn’t go sit in the corner because he failed. He tries again no matter how many times he cracks his head because you accidentally pointed towards the coffee table when you stood him up. By the way, let me give you some advice. When he hits the table, don’t say to your wife, “He’ll learn from his failures .” She’ll crack your head.

And sometimes we have to really let go.

The first joke I taught my son is, “Why does Grandpa wear two pairs of pants when he plays golf? In case he gets a hole in one.”

What’s great about golf is that it gives you immediate feedback.

Tiger Woods says that in order to play golf well you need to play with a short memory and focus on the next shot. That’s easy for Tiger since his first shot is usually farther than our next shot is. The only thing I have in common with Tiger is woods. It’s his name and I’m always in them.

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Most decisions are based on incomplete information. This is just the nature of business. We must make decisions on what to do next based on the information we have and the information we do not have. If we wait for all the information we need (or want) to make a particular decision, we will be waiting a very long time. Inaction will sink our boat.

Besides, there is evidence that even though we often believe that more information provides a clearer picture of the future and improves our decision-making, in reality, additional information often can only confuses us.

I wanted to paint the walls of my bathroom beige. Oh nooo. There’s Eggshell, Honey Butterfly, Harvest Wheat, Vanilla Soda, Pale Sun, Straw Stack and Mild Bamboo. It gave me a headache so I dropped by the grocery store on the way home to buy a bottle of wine. I wanted red. They had Merlot, Cabernet, Pinot Noir, Zinfandel, Burgandy, and Shiraz! What ever happened to Boone’s Farm…RED?